Taking the plunge to get married and vow to spend the rest of your life with one person is a huge commitment to make. Unfortunately, many people don’t fully understand the significance of saying, “I Do”, nor do they grasp what, “Forever”, means. In our society, marriage has become something flippant that can easily be discarded when it no longer suits us. Many of us enter into marriage excited for the wedding, but once the excitement is over we realize that there is a lot more to this commitment thing than just having fun and living happily ever after. Marriage is a LOT of work. There are days when we are over the moon in love with our spouses, then days where we are annoyed with every single thing that they do. The silly jokes our spouses made that we found so endearing while we were dating can become obnoxious over the years. As we grow and change with our spouses life can morph into something that feels boring, mundane, and difficult. Entering into marriage with the comprehension of these concepts and the willingness to fight for the relationship is what will help your marriage to thrive through the ups and downs of life.
I’m currently experiencing a new transition in my life once again. This time, it isn’t a sad change or something that I’m questioning or worried is a mistake, but change can be scary no matter how sure you feel about it. This past weekend I eloped. That’s right Friends, I am now on to marriage number 3! Unlike the last two times that I got married, I now know who I am and what kind of person suits my life. I have never questioned the relationship or wondered if he was the man who was supposed to be in my life, because for the first time ever, I know he is right for me. I have learned a lot by going through divorces in my past and have discovered that I need to follow my intuition, which is exactly the way I have approached life in the aftermath of my last failed marriage. Regardless of the confidence I feel in saying “I Do” this one last time, it is still scary to promise to dedicate my life to someone who could end up disappointing me or tearing my heart out.
Can we ever be 100% positive that we won’t get hurt again? The simple answer is, no. As I stood there gazing into my future husband’s eyes, making promises that I meant more than any I had made before, I prayed that this one would last a lifetime. I already know the work that it takes to make a marriage last. I understand that things will eventually become difficult and boring and that there will be days that our love doesn’t feel as strongly as it once had, but I also know that after each storm we endure, that the sun will shine again if we allow it to. I didn’t enter into this marriage because I was young and blinded by love, as I did with my first. I didn’t agree to marry out of a fear of being alone and thinking that this was the best I could do, like I had with husband number 2. I full-heartedly looked into my husband’s soul and saw the kindness, love and flaws all swirled together and decided that this was my forever because I had found true love and it finally felt right.
I am not naive; I am fully aware that this marriage could crash and burn as the rest had, but the blessing and curse of being an eternal hopeless romantic is that we continue believing that happily ever after can exist, no matter how many times it has failed us in the past. The most important thing that we can take away from divorce is a lesson learned. Take time to love yourself. Take time to embrace the single life and figure out who you are without someone else. Take time to learn how to discover life on your own. Chances are, when you finally feel comfortable and truly happy with your life, you will draw in people on the same life path as you. You don’t have to jump back on the horse and remarry as I have, but if you find someone who feels like home, try not to resist it because you are afraid of the past repeating itself. Yes, you may open yourself up to being hurt again, but you could also be opening yourself up to finding the person you had always hoped for. The risk is worth the reward, My Friends.