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How to Speak the Love They Need to Hear

So many marriages suffer because one or both spouses don’t feel loved or appreciated. After experiencing many failed relationships with men who are all talk and no action, you really value it when you find someone who has little to say but speaks volumes by how they treat you. Their actions show you love in a way that no sweet-talker ever could, yet we start to miss hearing the verbal affirmations we had grown accustomed to over the years. For some, speaking from the heart and uttering “I love you” is something that doesn’t come easily and is carefully considered for months or even years before they feel comfortable expressing it. We all have different ways we show our love and feel loved best by others.

So, how do you get the kind of love you need? You teach your partner to love you how you need to be loved. Hearing “I love you” on a regular basis is vital to the success of many romantic relationships, but what other important things should you be saying to your husband/wife to help them to know how truly loved they are?

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

1. I Appreciate You

When the honeymoon stage has ended and we are in the daily grind with our partners, it can be easy to overlook all of the ways we make each other’s lives better. Feeling appreciated and validated by our spouse can be quite important in maintaining a successful relationship. Acknowledging your appreciation for the person you have chosen to spend your life with isn’t difficult and can make them smile, so it’s a win-win!

2. You’re so Beautiful, Attractive, Etc.

After a couple of years of being with the same person, it can feel like you’ve lost “It”. It’s a terrible feeling that your spouse may no longer be attracted to you. When you think in your head, “Wow, my wife is beautiful” or “I married a really sexy man”, say it aloud! Letting your spouse know that when they wake up with messy hair and makeup under their eyes that they are still drop-dead gorgeous to you can mean the world! When your partner takes the time to dress up nice for your date night let them know that you have noticed how great they look. This may seem superficial, but who doesn’t like to feel attractive?

Photo by Alexandru Zdrobău on Unsplash

3. My Life is Better Because of You

No one wants to be in a relationship where they aren’t contributing something positive. If your wife doesn’t make your life better, then why are you even married? Make sure that your spouse knows that they are irreplaceable in your life and that you would be at an extreme disadvantage without their presence.

4. You Are The Only Woman/Man For Me

We all know that there are other attractive people in the world and it is only human nature to notice those other people we are attracted to, but that is where it should end. It is extremely important that we never give our spouses a reason to question our loyalty. In addition to proving your fidelity through actions, tell your spouse that they are the only person you want to be with. We can’t see what you are doing 24/7 and shouldn’t have to, but it is nice to be reminded that you don’t need someone else to fulfill that role in your life because you are satisfied with the relationship you are in.

Photo by Victoria Bilsborough on Unsplash

5. I’m Proud to Be Your Spouse

Do you feel proud to tell people about your spouse? Whether you think you are married to the most ambitious, the hottest person, the smartest, the best mother to your children, the strongest, the fill-in-the-blank, you should tell your spouse this. If you are proud of the person you are married to, make them aware of how you feel because that validation may be just what they needed to hear.

6. You Make Me a Better Person

Not only does your partner make your life better, but they make you want to be better than you have ever been before. If you feel the urge to try harder, to shoot for goals you have never thought of, to drink less, to love more, whatever it is that has made you become a better human since meeting your spouse, you should let her/him know of their contribution to these aspirations. I truly believe that when we are in the relationship we were meant to be in, we will naturally realize the faults we had in previous relationships and want to be better for this one. No one is perfect, but knowing this and wanting to work on faults so we can be the best version of ourselves is a huge compliment to share with your spouse.

Photo by Ryan Jacobson on Unsplash

7. I’m In Love With You

Saying “I love you” is important, but it isn’t exclusive to your spouse. We love our parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, etc. I need to hear it on a regular basis and feel it is vital for me to make sure my partner knows that I love him every day, but there is something so special about hearing the words, “I’m in love with you” too. As the honeymoon stage ends and we enter the mundane day-to-day, we sometimes need reassurance that our partners still have passion for our relationship and experience the butterflies in their stomach every once in a while. Don’t forget that being “In love” is just as important as purely loving your spouse and let them know that you feel this way.

8. I Love You Because…

Why do you love your spouse? We all have many reasons that we love the person we married, otherwise we probably wouldn’t have married them. Whether they are funny, kind, giving, smart, sexy, athletic, etc. think of sometimes telling your partner the reasons why you love them. Hearing ,”I love you because you always make me laugh”, adds another dimension to affirm how you feel for the person you love. It’s always nice to hear that you know why you love someone and that saying “I love you”, isn’t just something that has become a habit, but is a heartfelt sentiment.

9. I Can’t Imagine Life Without You, Nor Do I Want To

You’ve chosen to spend your life with your spouse, but years down the road are you still happy with that decision? If you love your life together and still envision holding hands and having adventures when you’re old and gray, tell them you feel that way. As life goes on with its natural ups and downs, it is easy to start wondering if your spouse is still in this for the long haul. What better way to ease these fears than by saying, “I can’t imagine my life without you”?

It is important that we take the time to love our spouses through our actions AND our words! One method doesn’t fully express love without the other. We can prevent feeling unappreciated, unloved, or taken for granted by adding some of these sentiments to our conversations. It’s not difficult to speak and act loving, it may just take some retraining of our minds. It is possible to divorce-proof our marriages if we would only step outside of our comfort-zones, think of our spouses needs, and learn to take the time to love each other more completely.

Love Always, Alex Prince – Creator & Editor-In-Chief of Damsel Divorcée
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2 thoughts on “How to Speak the Love They Need to Hear”

  1. Truly all easy and all common sense. It’s just that so many of us think our S.O. knows we love and appreciate them, so we never say the words. These would be great steps to be taught in pre-marital counseling so that couples know them and are focused on them from day one!

    Liked by 2 people

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