I apologize to my loyal followers for missing my weekly blog post last Sunday! As you all know, summer is a crazy, busy time of year and I’ve experienced a huge life change that kept me from posting at my regular time. Before I get into discussing that, I want to share a little about what has led me to this monumental change first.
As a two-time Divorcée I often times feel the eyes of judgement on me when I reveal this part of my past. I’m ashamed to say that I was once one of those naive women who frowned upon people who had been married and divorced multiple times, thinking that they had to be crazy or unable to remain in a successful relationship. After all, what kind of person changes spouses every decade? I’ll tell you what kind of person does that, the kind of person who has made giant mistakes because they weren’t afraid to take a chance or wear their heart on their sleeve, that kind of person! Now that I have experienced divorce multiple times, I am more aware and I try not to judge others when I have no idea what they have gone through or what kind of pain they may be holding in their heart.
The statistics of remarriage are not too promising. As many of you know, it has been said that first marriages have a divorce rate between 41-50%, while second marriages are at 60-67% and third marriages have a very concerning 74% divorce rate. This makes remarriage extremely scary to embark upon, after having even one failed marriage, let alone more than one. No one should ever go into a first, second, third, etc. marriage without a lot of thought, confidence, and conversation. Most importantly, no matter how many times you have been married, you need to follow your gut when making this decision. If I would have listened to my gut and NOT my head or heart, I would have never gotten married. Each time I was engaged I knew deep down that I was making a mistake, but I allowed my heart and head to take the lead and ignored the sick, nagging feeling emanating from my stomach as my intuition screamed for me to run away. If you don’t feel confident in the marriage, don’t do it!!!
Not every person who marries at a young age is destined to get divorced, but in my case, my ex-husband and I grew up and realized that we were not the same people and were in a toxic, miserable relationship. I was blinded by love, which led me to ignore how incompatible we were and how controlling he was. In his case, he was focused on my physical appearance, but was always trying to change who I was on the inside. After almost 6 years of a marriage filled with horrible fights and millions of tears, he filed for divorce and I truly didn’t think I would ever recover from it. My entire world, identity, and self-worth were tangled up in that marriage and I felt lost when it was ripped away from me.
Sadly, I had made the disastrous mistake many people make after having a failed first marriage, I rushed into another marriage before allowing myself time to properly grieve and move on. The second marriage was a mess from the start and was an extremely unhealthy one. The years of emotional abuse I endured in my first marriage, made me an insecure and very discontented wife the second time around. My second husband was decent until the end, when he became angry and aggressive with my lack of devotion and passion towards our relationship. When I made the decision to leave and divorce him, it was the most confident I had felt in any choice I had ever made during our time together.
Do you believe in signs or the symbolism of certain creatures appearing to you during milestones in your life? I had never noticed things like this until the moment I decided to file for divorce. I would frequently go to a pond near my neighborhood to think. Each time, I would watch the ducks, geese, and butterflies fly around, enjoying the landscape as I contemplated what I needed out of life. On this particular day, I had a unique experience which greatly influenced my decision and gave me peace. As I was sitting on a bench I noticed a beautiful monarch butterfly sitting on a large pink flower near the water. I watched the butterfly float around to each flower, enjoying the sweet nectar, when out of no where it flew all the way over to my bench, far from the flowers and flew around my head twice, as if trying to tell me something. I had never seen anything like this, so I decided to Google the meaning of Monarch butterflies and discovered that they are a symbol of rebirth and life change. It is said that if a Monarch flies around you, it may mean that you need to change. After reading this, it was as if it was God’s way of not only telling me that it was alright for me to get another divorce, but that I should do it for the sake of both of our happiness. I filed a couple of days later.
Ever since that moment I have been on high-alert for what the universe and God may be trying to tell me as I make each decision in my life. Whenever I am at a crossroads and am unsure of which path to take, I pay special attention to my intuition and the signs around me. Last week I was at a cottage on a lake with my boyfriend and his friends, celebrating one of their birthdays. My boyfriend and I were out on the dock one morning enjoying the sunshine and cool breeze when, out of the corner of my eye I saw a dragonfly land on his arm. I already knew that all around the world many people consider dragonflies to be good luck, but I wanted to know the significance of one landing on you, so I looked up the meaning online. Many sources gave the same conclusion, when a dragonfly lands on you it an omen of good things to come and of change. I felt content in that moment, knowing that that dragonfly was meant for both of us.
Later that day, while out to dinner at a beautiful supper club on the water, my boyfriend took me to the beach surrounding the restaurant and asked me to be his wife. That’s right friends, I am on to marriage number 3! I’d be lying if I said that sharing this news isn’t scary. I have a mixture of emotions while revealing to you that I am doing the one thing I said I would never do again, remarry. This decision has been a long time coming, after meeting the man of my dreams at a time when I wasn’t looking for love or even wanting a relationship. After only a couple of months of dating I accidentally became pregnant and was terrified to be having a child with a man I barely knew, when I had zero experience of having a successful relationship. During the pregnancy I made it very well known that I would not marry him because of a child and I wanted to organically grow our relationship to see if we were compatible or could even fall in love with each other. Years later, our baby is almost 2, we are in love and I can honestly say that I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life!
For the first time ever, I feel confident that I am with the person I was always meant to be with. I hope that this news can shed some hope into your life too. It doesn’t matter what mistakes you have made in the past, how many times you have chosen the wrong person, or what people may think about your situation, trust your intuition and do what is best for you! If you are in a marriage that you know you will never feel content in, then leave. If you have found love after a failed marriage, follow your gut and don’t listen to those who try to make you feel bad about it. If you are happy, embrace it. I know what the statistics say but I’m ready to work towards changing those stats! Are you?