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A Heartfelt Plea To Who I Used To Be

Dear Beautiful Girl,

I know that you don’t feel beautiful, but you really are. Men see you, even though you don’t realize it right now. Your beauty will cause men to do stupid things and your ignorance of it, will make you fall for some stupid shit. Many men will tell you that you’re beautiful over the years and each time it will make you feel special and like they are someone to trust, but men who use flattery can’t always be trusted. Don’t fall for the flattery. Wait for the one who rarely tells you that you’re beautiful, but means it when he says it. Wait for the one who takes his time to say “I love you” because he wants to be sure and isn’t just trying to manipulate you. Wait for someone whose actions are far superior to his words, because that is the man you are truly going to be happy with.

Photo by Hush Naidoo on Unsplash

No matter what you look like on the outside, you have a huge heart that is willing to love anyone and that cares deeply. This is one of your best features but can also be one of your biggest flaws because it will cause a lot of trouble if you aren’t careful. Some men will take your kindness and ability to love so easily and will use it to their advantage. They will see your low self-esteem and think of you as someone they can control. They will take your open heart and deceitfully convince you that their heart is the same. Other men will mistake your flirtatious nature and caring affection for something more than friendship and will be angry when you refuse them. Don’t allow these men who disappoint you to sour your feelings towards love. Don’t settle for someone simply because they don’t exhibit these traits. I know that you want so badly to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after, but please listen to me when I say that your fairy tale is far from over so be patient!

Do you remember how grown up you felt when you were 16? You now realize how naive you were and how much you had to learn. Well, it’s very similar in your twenties. You feel like an adult and think that you have everything figured out. You truly believe that this is the person you are always going to be. You’re wrong! You still have so much to learn about yourself and what you need and want in this life. The men you meet at this stage of life are not going to build you up or be someone you depend on or spend your life with forever. The flattery will fade and the word “love” will begin to feel fake.

Photo by Drew Farwell on Unsplash

Why are you in such a rush? You’re young, enjoy it! Go on vacations with your girlfriends, dance all night, educate yourself and pursue a career, don’t tie yourself down. For the first time in your life, you can do whatever you want. Don’t be scared. You are smarter than you realize and more capable than you give yourself credit for. You don’t need a spouse to be happy or successful, as a matter of fact, the men you will choose as a spouse in these early years will only bring you pain, emotional abuse, and heartbreak. Someday you will encounter real love that doesn’t stem from dependence or emotional insecurity. Until then, have fun and figure out who you are.

Don’t let anyone dictate who you want to be. Laugh loud, talk enthusiastically, be obnoxious sometimes, watch the crappy chick flicks and reality tv, listen to the music that makes your soul happy, pursue the career you feel is right for you. If you have to change any of these attributes to be with someone, he is NOT the person for you.

In your 30s you will finally come into your own. You will feel comfortable in your own skin. You will stop trying to impress others and make everyone else happy and will realize that you can only really make yourself happy. You will come to a place where you feel 100% confident in who you are and happy with being alone. You will no longer think of dating or being in a relationship, because you are happy with yourself. This is the moment when your life will change forever. Your confidence, security, and upbeat mindset will draw men in without you trying. By this time, you will know the red flags to watch for, will trust your intuition, and will know what instant attraction feels like. You will no longer need attention from everyone, but will patiently wait for the right person. You will understand how to decipher if someone’s vibes mesh with your own. Finding the person you will love forever will feel easy when it happens, unlike any time in the past. You will feel at peace with this man and will wonder how you could have ever been with anyone else.

Photo by Alejandra Quiroz on Unsplash

So I say to you, Courageous Woman, WAIT! Don’t marry someone just because he’s the first person you have ever loved. Loving is easy for you and will happen again. When real love happens, you won’t question it because you will know it is right. Don’t marry someone because he tells you you’re beautiful, many others will tell you the same. Don’t marry someone because you think that you need to have children right now, I promise you that you will be more prepared for that kind of life change in your 30s! Don’t marry someone when it feels wrong, just because you don’t think you’ll find someone better, you will! Don’t get married in your 20s Dear Girl, just wait!

Love Always, Alex Prince – Creator & Editor-In-Chief of Damsel Divorcée
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