A friend of mine recently sent me an article published by the New York Post about a woman who threw herself a divorce party, at which she blew up her wedding dress in front of her friends and family. The blast was apparently felt for miles around; talk about going out with a bang! I can imagine how great it would feel to blow up a wedding dress after getting divorced. Watching the symbol of your marriage explode and set to flame has to feel very ironic at a divorce party. This story inspired me to think about how people use different tactics to get over a divorce or break-up. Whether it is a party, setting a fire, or cutting your hair, we all have something we have done as a way to liberate ourselves from our former lives and move on to the next stage.
I’ve never blown up a wedding dress, but I’ve definitely taken great strides to free myself of my past and move on with my life. I think a lot of us want to better ourselves after a break-up, whether it is to show our ex what a mistake they made by leaving or just to show ourselves that we are still amazing even though our marriage was unsuccessful. I’ve done the post-divorce work outs, dying of my hair, buying an entirely new collection of panties, and have even thrown myself a divorce party.
After my first divorce I was particularly heartbroken and pissed off that my marriage had ended, so I decided that celebrating the divorce and the beginning of my new life with my closest friends would be healing for me. It was a fun night at a friend’s house where we popped champagne, laughed, and danced the night away in her living room. It doesn’t sound like much, but it was freeing and comforting to know I had friends who supported me.
Following my second divorce I wasn’t as emotional as the first one. I had made the decision to divorce and knew that it was the right choice for my life. It was a sad and difficult choice, but there was no question in my mind that I was doing what was best. Moving on from that relationship wasn’t about anger or devastation, it was about reinventing myself, conquering fears, and reconnecting with who I truly was.
I moved out in October of that year and had already purchased my Wonder Woman costume for Halloween. I wasn’t sure what I would be doing for the holiday now that I was single, but I was determined to wear my costume because I love holidays and getting dressed up. The apartment building I had moved into was throwing a Halloween party, where food and alcohol were provided and people would be dressing up in their costumes to win a prize. Unfortunately, all of my friends had plans the night of the party and couldn’t go with me. I am extremely shy when I don’t know people and a bit of an introvert, but I decided that in the name of progress and moving on, it was time to get out of my comfort zone. I got all dressed up in my costume and stood inside of my apartment, staring at the door for probably 20 minutes before I was able to convince myself to go to the party. I finally opened the door and went to join my neighbors.
I was quick to learn that the majority of my neighbors were men in their 20s and 30s, so the odds were definitely in my favor for making friends being dressed as Wonder Woman. I won the costume contest, which ended up being money to go towards my next month’s rent. I was even invited by some of the guys to hang out with everyone after the party ended. It ended up being a really fun night! I was extremely proud of myself for pushing myself to do something I normally wouldn’t do alone, because it helped me to know that I was going to be alright again and that being a two-time divorcée wasn’t the scarlet letter I envisioned it to be.
Not everyone is able to find innocent ways to move on from a break-up though. When a relationship ends out of anger, moving on can look a lot different. One of my favorite stories EVER is the one that my little sister told me after she had broken things off with an ex-boyfriend. He was a dishonest person and gave her many reasons to not trust him, so they fought a lot. While they were out playing pool one night, she had noticed him being secretive with his phone and texting someone. She asked him who he was talking to, which quickly led to an argument. Unlike previous fights, this one ended up taking a crazy turn. He left the bar and she followed him out, to see him getting into another woman’s car. He flashed my sister the “peace” sign. Shocked and unsure of what was happening, my sister angrily punched the car as it drove off.
Unlike most women, who would probably go home and cry until he got home or throw all of his belongings out on the front lawn, she had a very different reaction. When she got home she gathered all of his belongings from her apartment, packed them into a suitcase and drove to his place of work. She then threw everything in a pile in the parking lot, lit it on fire, and walked into the building to ask if he was there. A girl working there told her that she hadn’t seen him. My sister responded, “Well, next time you see him you can let him know that his shit is a pile of ash in the parking lot”. The girl told her not to do anything crazy and she replied, “Too late”, as she walked out the door. When she got back to her place she began cleaning and found a stash of new clothes he had hidden, as well as his most prized possession, a laptop. So, she drove back to the flaming pile and threw the rest on top. As she drove past the windows of the building she noticed that people had their faces pressed against them watching, so she waved as she left.
The next day she drove to the police station and turned herself in, like a regular Badass Bitch. I am not advocating this behavior, because she did end up getting fined for it, but HOLY CRAP it is funny and I am slightly proud of her!!! Don’t mess with my sister! I probably don’t need to say it, but their relationship was definitely over after that night. A few years later a song came out from the artist, Icona Pop, called, “I Love it”. The lyrics are: “I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone. I crashed my car into the bridge, I watched, I let it burn. I threw your shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs. I crashed my car into the bridge. I don’t care, I love it”. For some reason the image of my sister setting fire to her ex-boyfriend’s belongings always comes to mind when I hear this song and it makes me laugh.
Whether you buy new underwear, blow up your wedding dress, do something to get out of your comfort zone, or set your ex’s clothes on fire, we have all done something to help us recover after a break-up. Do you have a crazy story to share? What have you done to get over an ex?